Keeping the bubble from bursting while I’m back in school

 

For those of you asking how being back in school has been going… Well, if I’m being honest, some days it feels like my brain is going to burst!! And sometimes I get triggered and the “not smart enough” feelings that have been with me since childhood come up.

I tell myself things like, “Why didn’t you just pay attention when you were a kid? “Why did you have to be so “cool” in high school aka skip so much.”

“You’re not smart enough for this” & “Going back to school to become a counselling therapist was a stupid idea”

Sounds HARSH right?

But this is what a trauma- response can sound like!

When this happens I notice myself procrastinating and avoiding the work ( both trauma responses).

However, when I practice being present with the feelings instead of trying to numb them it helps me become curious about what they’re trying to teach me.

Which then leads me to understanding.  Understanding that my brain wasn’t retaining what it should have when I was a child because my nervous system was trying to keep me SAFE aka I was in survival mode.

And then… I practice acceptance. Accepting that going through this experience as a child wasn’t my fault. This then leads me to a feeling of gratitude for the pain I endured when I was a child and adolescent because it brought me to my purpose.

And that my friends, is the “styling the inside” work.

The work that isn’t going to get me a diploma or a degree or external measures of success. Instead, it’s getting me to a place of self-compassion and healing which is truly invaluable🙏🏻.

So there’s my long, “styling the inside” answer to your question, friends. 😆

Thank you for following along on my being back in school as a “mature student” journey.

Now it’s time to get off the computer and practice some more mindfulness. It helps me keep this bubble from bursting!

 

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