My path made clear-turning my pain into my purpose

When I was a young girl, I would watch Oprah every day after school. I would often think to myself, “I would love to help people the way Oprah does”. I loved the way she would actively listen to other people’s personal pain and hardships.

The thing is, I was enduring my own pain from growing up in a dysfunctional environment. Although I suffered from poor self-esteem, and trauma (my father was an alcoholic, and my mother was a rage-aholic) somewhere deep within, despite the unhealthy environment I was growing up in, the whisperings of my heart yearned to help others the way Oprah did.

However, the trauma I endured as a child made it rather difficult for me to follow my inner voice. Instead of having the emotional maturity to articulate the pain and hurt I felt as a child I would take my hurt out on the other children at school. 

When I was a teenager

When I became an adolescent, my self-esteem continued on a downward spiral. I made poor choices, dropped out of high school, and suffered from anxiety, and depression. In other words, I was in a fragile state and considered an at-risk youth.

For this reason, I attended an alternate program. It was too difficult for me to cope with mainstream high school. During this time, I became close to the alternate program counsellor. Her name was Maureen. She had a heart like no other and her smile lit up every room she entered. Maureen helped me navigate the pain I was going through. She made me feel loved when I wasn’t loving myself and became like a mother to me in many ways. Sadly, she passed away in 1999 and I never did get to thank her for the guidance she provided me.

When I was a young adult

A few years after she passed, I went back to school and studied Early Childhood Education. When I was working with young children, I noticed I was particularly interested in learning about children’s social and emotional development. I was also a new mother at this time, navigating my own parenting, as well as reflecting on the parenting I received. My newfound knowledge of healthy parent-child attachments and their impact forced me to peel back some layers from my past and work on my own personal journey of self-transformation and healing.

I feel it’s imperative to do my personal healing work in order to break the generational cycle of trauma.

The last five years

In the last five years, I’ve vulnerably shared some of my personal stories and life lessons here in hopes to help others create a life that feels good within. I truly love inspiring others through this online platform. Starting this blog has brought so many wonderful opportunities my way. I’ve connected with amazing and inspiring people through blogging, partnered with brands big and small, and I’ve even had the opportunity to experience memorable events and trips with my family.

Today

Lately, however, the same whisperings I had when I was a young girl have felt frequent and strong. The voice that used to wish she could help people the way Oprah does is back, yet this time it feels different.

My inner voice is vivid and loud.

It’s saying, “Go back to your inner child, the one who wanted to help people the way Oprah does so you can help others the way Maureen helped you.”

In essence, I want to turn the pain I endured as a child into my purpose. Although writing this blog has been super healing and I’m so grateful for the opportunities it has brought my way, I believe becoming a counselling therapist is what’s next for me and similar to the title of Oprah’s latest book; “The Path Made Clear”, I believe this is the clear path to becoming who I was created to be.

In other words, all of the healing work has helped me undo everything I thought I was supposed to be so I can become who I was meant to be in the first place.

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My guiding word this year was becoming but now that we’re more than half-way through I’ve realized that this year hasn’t been about becoming anything. My worthiness has never been about anything outside of myself. The thing is, deep-rooted unhealed childhood trauma subconsciously fed me the ”you’re not enough” story. Every time I would reach for more outside of myself; for validation, wholeness, acceptance, and love, I added another layer to the walls built around my true authentic self. Needless to say, this past few years on my styling the inside journey I’ve been unbecoming the limiting beliefs, and feelings of unworthiness that have been with me since early childhood. In other words, I’ve been peeling back the layers, tuning in when I’ve felt triggered, and ultimately, I’ve been healing, so I can be who I was really meant to be in the first place. My guiding words are still “becoming who I was created to be” but I’m adding; not who I think I was supposed to be based on other people’s opinions, societal conditioning, my ego, and my trauma. ✨🙏🏻This is #stylingtheinside Quote found via: explore page . . #traumahealing #healingtrauma #traumarecovery #selfcarequotes #selfcaredaily #selfcarepage #innerchildhealing #innerchildwork

A post shared by Jamie Khau🙏🏻Wellbeing Advocate (@styling_the_inside_) on

For this reason, I’m excited (and in all honesty a little scared) about going back to school this Fall to become a counselling therapist, but I’m also proud of myself for listening to my inner guide.

Thank you for following along on my path of creating a life that feels good on the inside. I appreciate you. XX

 

 

 

Featured image: Pexels.com

 

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