When I started this blog, it was because of my story. My story of being an insecure child, who struggled deeply with low self-esteem.
I started this blog because, during a large part of my past, I didn’t feel good on the inside.
I took my emotions and anger out on my siblings, the kids at the playground and I became the “mean girl”.
When I reached high school, I was so lost and confused. I chose to hang out with the wrong crowd. As a result, I dropped out of many high schools trying to find my “place” of belonging.
My looks became more important than books, and my self-esteem continued on a downward spiral.
I had my first daughter at the age of nineteen, and from that point on my life was forever changed.
For many years, however, I was ashamed of my story. I suppressed so many of the emotions of my past, pretending everything was perfect until… I had my first daughter.
The shame, guilt and above all, regret from the way I treated people, surfaced.
I believe it began to surface because I needed to work through it. And it wasn’t easy.
Working through the past
In fact, working through all my past issues and emotions was so damn tough. It’s never easy to sit with uncomfortable emotions. In the process, however, I began to find my truth. I started to let go of the shame, and most importantly, I forgave myself.
Once I forgave myself, I began to courageously share my story.
It wasn’t easy to hit the keyboard and tell people about my past, but my hope was by sharing and owning my story, it would inspire others who may be struggling.
My hope is to inspire others to work towards living a life that feels good on the inside.
In Brene Browns words, “The irony is that we attempt to disown our difficult stories to appear more whole or acceptable, but our wholeness, even our wholeheartedness, actually depends on the integration of all of our experiences, including the falls.”
I used to say I am not my past.
Now I say, my past is a part of my story.
I wouldn’t be where I am today if I didn’t have my past.
All of my past is a part of who I am.
It has taught me compassion, empathy, and above all courage.
Owning my story is probably one of the most challenging, courageous and empowering things I have ever done.
It took me from repressing my past to peeling back the layers and uncovering where the root trauma and pain was stemming from.
This ultimately has helped me re-write my story.
We can all re-write our story, but first… we have to own it.
And that all begins with looking deep within.
This is how we truly style the inside.