When you want to hold on, but you have to let go

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Today as I watched our little ruckus receive her preschool diploma I had to hold back tears.

Charley graduating preschool marks the last preschool graduation of my three girls.

I’ve parented for a little over thirteen years.

Where has the time gone? It seems like it was just yesterday I was driving home with my first-born scared to death about this whole parenting thing.

Now, over a decade later, our last baby girl is going off to elementary school!

As I type this I can’t help it. I’m choking up.

All the memories I’ve made with each one of my daughters is suddenly rushing back to me.

I’ve never been good at saying goodbye. I always choke up with hot burning tears during these parenting milestones. This time however, I thought it would be the easiest. Our hot-tempered, wild and care-free, not-so-easy to deal with third child, heck…I thought I would be happy to send her to school full-time.

IMG_4917What I realized today is this isn’t just about saying goodbye to her. I can’t help but feeling as if I’ll be saying goodbye to a part of myself too.

A large part of my identity for many years has been home with the kids. I’m excited that I’ll finally have time to get more work done, but in all honesty, a part of me just wants to hold on, just a little longer. I know this part of me is the part that fears the unknown. Fear always has a way of doing that doesn’t it? It always wants you to stay comfortable, familiar, and holding on.

In this case, I have no choice, (unless I have another child ,which is not happening!) That being said,  I’ll embrace what’s to come and cherish in my heart all the memories my girls have enriched my life with in their early years.

I guess I’m graduating too! In a few short months I’ll have graduated from a work from home mom with little ones in tow, to a work from home mom, all on her own! And Charley is graduating to full-time school, without her momma. It really is bitter-sweet.

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6 thoughts on “When you want to hold on, but you have to let go

  1. Aw that’s so sweet ❤️ My oldest has his preschool grad on Thursday and whil I’m so excited to have him out of my hair come September I’m going to be a mess 😭

  2. I know the feeling! I hold my kiddos hands so tide everyday, because soon they might not wanna hold your hand anymore. So many phases, as they graduate from one phase, we as parents earn our “diploma” in parenthood. With every phase comes a new beginning and a new experience and whole lot of new challenges:) Everyone tells me, “just wait till they become teenagers” ?! UMM

    1. I agree! And I have a teenager. It’s a completely different stage and phase that’s for sure. I think this is why I also hold on a bit more with our last daughter. I know first-hand how fast they grow. Thank you for reading Roya! I hope you have a fabulous summer.

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