A couple of days ago I had the honour of finding out that I have been nominated as one of the top 30 mom bloggers from Vancouvermom.ca. I am so shocked, surprised and happy! It feels a little surreal because I only started blogging in the new year and there are so, so many amazing mommy bloggers out there! There will be a voting period coming up for the over all top mommy blogger as well as an event to meet all of the nominees in June. I’m really looking forward to meeting all of these like-minded women and connecting and learning from them. It is all very exciting.
As exciting as this all is for me it also started to make me feel a bit nervous and intimidated. I started thinking, oh my god, this is going to drive more people to my blog! Oh my god, is the writing content good enough? Oh my god, there are so many grammatical errors! Oh my god, I don’t blog as much as some of the other moms. Oh my god, I need to fix the way it looks. As happy as I felt, all of these negative thoughts were starting to make me feel not so happy on the inside, which was completely defeating the entire purpose of my blog, “creating a life that feels good on the inside.”
I never started blogging with the intentions of being the top blogger or winning some grand prize. My intentions were to share my stories, life experiences and insight in hopes to some how inspire others. I’ve never been very crafty and I’ve always hated baking because I burn everything and hate making a mess. Blogging is my creative outlet. It makes me feel at ease each and every time my fingers hit the keyboard. It gives me a natural high and it is just as therapeutic for me as going for a run. Some days I go for a run and beat myself up for not running further or faster. The same hard ass feelings sometimes consume me when it comes to writing. I feel like I’m not posting enough or after I hit the publish button for the world to view, I start to criticize and even worry about the content.
One day a few months ago I went for a run to try to clear my head. Usually I feel pretty damn good after a run, but when I came into the house that day I felt frustrated. My husband noticed my discontent and asked me what my “problem” was. I started to tell him that I felt like a failure. I felt like I was doing everything “half-ass” I couldn’t keep up with the house work, I only had one Stella and Dot trunk show in the books, I didn’t blog enough as I should, I was feeling disconnected with all of the friends that I wanted to spend time with. I wanted to make time for new friends that I’ve connected with. I was trying to be a mom and wife, help out on the PAC, feed the homeless, and I recently started teaching again. I started to cry with my sweaty face,in my gym clothes. I was feeling depleted, overwhelmed and frustrated. I looked at my husband with hot tears burning my face and said, ” I just want to make a difference, but I don’t know how.” He looked at my sweaty, crying face and said, “you make a difference in our lives every day.” They were the nicest words a wife could hear from her husband. There was nothing else I could say afterwards. Suddenly, I felt like everything was going to be just fine, because I was so blessed to have such a supportive husband, who encourages me and makes me a better person.
When I go for a run now whether it’s 3km or 10km, it’s ok. If I write a blog post once a month or once a week, It’s ok. If I have one Stella and Dot trunk show in the books ,or five, It’s ok. If I play barbies with one daughter for an hour and only read with the other for twenty minutes, it’s ok. It’s all OK because it’s not about PERFECT, it’s about effort. My life isn’t a race or a competition. It’s a work in progress.
I was approached recently by a lady who came to me with tears in her eyes and said, ” I loved one of your blog posts, it really touched my heart” It felt so good knowing that I made that kind of impact on somebody else. At the end of the day, I feel like a winner, because the ultimate grand prize for me, is feeling good on the inside!
I wish each and every nominee of the top 30 mom bloggers the best of luck. Winning a trip for two is such a great prize. Each and every one of you is a winner, because you put effort into your writing and that’s what counts. I’m looking forward to meeting you all in June!!
My deepest gratitude goes out to those of you who have inspired, motivated and encouraged me to start blogging. Thank you for following me on this new venture and thank you to anyone who has taken the time and effort to read any of my posts.